Wannabe Writer
Sheryl has written her autobiography and calls a literary agent about the manuscript.
(3-4 minutes)
Hello? Oh hello, this is Sheryl Crab again, and I’m just ringing to see if you’ve read my book yet because I haven’t heard anything and I don’t want it to have got lost in the post…
I mean, I sent it recorded delivery and I checked with the post office website it had arrived, but I couldn’t make out the signature, so I just thought … you know … it might have gone somewhere else. Because mistakes happen, don’t they? And obviously, if it is there, I don’t mean to BE A PAIN … I mean, I know you’ve probably got other books to read, it’s just that I spent a whole month writing this and I’d hate for you not to realise how much work I put into it.
Anyway, anyway, yeah, I just wanted to be sure it had arrived … And I know you said not to keep ringing, but this is REALLY important to me … and it’s not like I’m knocking on your actual door anymore – sorry about that by the way – I didn’t know you were with other clients … have you thought about putting a notice on the window – kind of like a DO NOT DISTURB notice?
But anyway, anyway, I was telling my hairdresser about it, and she said it sounded like a film. You know one of those feel-good rags to riches movies? And I think she’s probably right … I mean, obviously I didn’t actually start out in rags, and yeah, I know I’m not exactly rich – YET – but I have sweated blood and tears over this book – all month – and I think it’s got real potential. And literally EVERYONE I show it too, thinks so too. And most of them don’t even get past the first page …
So, I was just ringing you know, to see if you’d read it yet?
And oh by the way, I put all those rejection letters in there just so you could see that even though they rejected me, they said some really nice things … And I get that it’s not necessarily right for them – you know, not their kind of thing – but I’m absolutely certain it’s right for you …
And I’ve even got some ideas about the cover design … hence the photos – I wanted to reassure you I wasn’t hideously ugly or deformed or anything – because I totally get that not only will you want my picture on the cover, but you’ll need me to do book signings and be in the public eye and yeah … well you wouldn’t want a dog doing that would you? The one of me in a bikini was taken a few years ago now – but it does show off my figure – and of course, it’s relevant to the chapter was about my weight loss programme and the cardboard diet I invented … I lost literally, pounds … I don’t think you’d need a medical disclaimer for that, but you might want to check…
Anyway, anyway … did you like the font I used? I thought comic sans probably gave it an amusing little twist? I know you say to do it in Times New Roman but that is soooo boring isn’t it? … so yeah … you know … just a little thing to help it stand out …
Anyway, sorry, rabbiting on here … I just wanted to be sure you got the book.
Oh and one last thing; I don’t know if this is of any help, but I saw a clairvoyant last week and she said this was going to be massive …
Anyway thanks … I’m in all day, so call anytime …
Love you… oh sorry sorry – habit – I mean, thanks, yours sincerely… or whatever… Bye for now.
© Wendy Storer 2020