The V Word
Dr. Akula makes an appeal on behalf of The BLOB
(The Blood Lovers of Britain).
(2-3 minutes)
Hello. My name is Dr Akula and I’m asking you to spare a thought for the vampires of Britain.
We’ve suffered from a lot of bad press over the years, and I’m here to tell you vampires are not the monsters you see in films and read about in books; we are just ordinary people who drink blood.
We contribute to society – working nights, often as undertakers, doctors, nurses, and blood transfusion operatives – and here at The BLOB, our victims come from all social classes, educational backgrounds, genders, ages and nationalities. We never turn anyone away, and we do not discriminate, although sadly, we are often discriminated against.
Our members frequently awake in the evening to find garlic through their letterboxes, or mirrors placed outside their front door, and some of us have been subjected to sunlamp abuse. Not only are these experiences terrifying, they also have a severe impact on our physical and mental health. Here at The BLOB our support services are stretched to breaking point and we struggle to help members faced with hostile abuse from the non-vampire public.
Beyond this, our night-to-night problems are becoming more and more difficult to manage in an unsympathetic world. Finding an available dentist after dark is almost impossible and many of our members must suffer the constant pain of toothache and tooth decay with no chance of help. And despite our own strict health and safety measures, the growing range of bloodborne diseases means that we now risk infection with every bite.
Our cause has also been affected by ‘false’ vampires, imposters, who claim to drain ‘chi’ (or ‘life-force’ as it is commonly known). These new age, hippy, vampires are not vampires at all; it doesn’t matter if they wear black or sleep in a coffin or sharpen their teeth; if they’re not getting haemoglobin, they’re not the real thing, and they give us a bad name.
Put simply, our future is bleak. That is why I’m here to ask you to give what you can.
- A teaspoon of blood can help one vampire for one day.
- A pint of blood can feed a whole family for a week.
- A regular weekly donation of a pint or more can change a life forever.
Please give generously and help to restore normality and health to our clan. Vampires deserve a happy life too.
Thank you for listening.
© Wendy Storer 2022