Goodbye Bill
At the garden funeral of his children’s pet rabbit, a father takes the opportunity to deliver some painful truths.
(1-2 minutes)
We are gathered here, on this sad day, to say goodbye to Bill, our beloved grey rabbit, fondly known to Tommy and Tasha as the Easter Bunny. He lived a quiet life, munching grass, hopping around the back garden, running up vet’s bills and once a year conjuring up magical chocolate eggs …
He will be sorely missed … as will his annual chocolate egg deliveries … which started out as a joke, but became an expensive habit your mother and I found impossible to avoid.
In his short life, Bill brought much joy to the lives of two, snivelling, seldom grateful children … In all fairness, I don’t think the occasional thank you would have kept him alive any longer. No, it was that bad old fox they warned me about, plus the broken garden fence I have been far too busy earning a living to mend.
But let us take comfort in knowing Bill is now in a happier place … away from harmful manhandling, brussel sprouts and the sound of children bickering … constantly.
And while we are all gathered here, it’s also worth saying, there is no such thing as Father Christmas. Or God – well, there is, but he’s a monkey and he lives in the zoo, so he can’t help.
I, therefore, commit this body to the ground … ashes to ashes, dust to dust … old rabbits never die; they just fade away … and all’s well that ends well…
Amen.
© Wendy Storer 2020